You know men. They only have one thing on their minds.

Socks. Handknit socks. So of course the blub needed socks for Christmas. That was seekrit projeck number two.

xmas socks 2

When I was discussing my dad’s scarf with Nels, I brought up the idea of the DNA scarf.

“I don’t think that’s really him,” he said. “But I want one!”

I had made el blubbo a very nice cashmere scarf for Christmas a couple of years ago, which he hearts, so I’m not about to replace that. But socks are his favorite article of clothing. So why not DNA socks? I asked myself.

Why not indeed? I answered.

What yarn should I use? I continued.

How about that nice In the Navy STR heavyweight that I got in a swap last year? I suggested.

Excellent idea! I answered.

I used a size 4 needle, and the DNA cable chart (pdf!) from this scarf. The cable is 20 stitches across. I needed about 48 stitches, so I put the DNA cable on the front and back, with a four stitch stockinette band between each cable. And it wasn’t until I finished the heel turn on the first one that I realized they were too narrow.

xmas socks me in them

Um, they fit *me*. Not that this is such a big deal. The blub has pretty skinny ankles. However, his feet are jagnormously wide. Like could bridge the river Kwai wide. So Steps were needed. Here were the ones that I took:

1. Much swearing

2. Burying socks in the bottom of my knitting basket and refusing to talk to them for a day

3. Pulling socks out and looking at them again

4. Realizing that I can turn the st st parts into ribbing if I just drop one stitch all the way back to the beginning and picking it up as a purl

5. Trying to do this from the heel turn, then realizing the stitch I need to drop is the one from which I picked up the gusset stitches

6. More swearing

7. Ripping out the entire heel and dropping the right stitch, then picking a purl back up

8. Doing the same thing on the other side, then realizing I had dropped the wrong stitch

9. Dropping that stitch again, picking it back up as a knit, then dropping the right stitch and picking it back up as a purl

10. Looking at my new and improved ribbed sock and realizing that it’s still pretty narrow and not particularly stretchy

11. Ignoring this and blindly knitting forward

A step or two more that I needed, maybe?

I compensated for the lack of stretchiness in the leg by making the foot ludicrously stretchy. I knitted a twisted rib gusset, then carried the ribbing along the side of the foot all the way to the toe. It *is* super stretchy, plus it looks kind of neat. Yes?

xmas socks gusset

So flash forward to Christmas Day. Blub opens socks. Blub doesn’t get that they are DNA socks. So I give him some hints. See the major and minor groove? Blub looks blank. See the base pairs? Still nothing. They are DNA socks, I shout. Blub then exclaims mightily to the heavens that they are the coolest socks ever and tries to put them on.

They don’t fit.

Well, that’s sort of a lie. They are fine, perfect even, once he gets them on. But he breaks a sweat wrestling them onto his tootsies.

xmas socks

They will stretch out, I assure him.

They will stretch out? he asks.

They will stretch out, I repeat.

And all is good. Merry effing Christmas.