You know men. They only have one thing on their minds.
Socks. Handknit socks. So of course the blub needed socks for Christmas. That was seekrit projeck number two.
When I was discussing my dad’s scarf with Nels, I brought up the idea of the DNA scarf.
“I don’t think that’s really him,” he said. “But I want one!”
I had made el blubbo a very nice cashmere scarf for Christmas a couple of years ago, which he hearts, so I’m not about to replace that. But socks are his favorite article of clothing. So why not DNA socks? I asked myself.
Why not indeed? I answered.
What yarn should I use? I continued.
Excellent idea! I answered.
I used a size 4 needle, and the DNA cable chart (pdf!) from this scarf. The cable is 20 stitches across. I needed about 48 stitches, so I put the DNA cable on the front and back, with a four stitch stockinette band between each cable. And it wasn’t until I finished the heel turn on the first one that I realized they were too narrow.
Um, they fit *me*. Not that this is such a big deal. The blub has pretty skinny ankles. However, his feet are jagnormously wide. Like could bridge the river Kwai wide. So Steps were needed. Here were the ones that I took:
1. Much swearing
2. Burying socks in the bottom of my knitting basket and refusing to talk to them for a day
3. Pulling socks out and looking at them again
4. Realizing that I can turn the st st parts into ribbing if I just drop one stitch all the way back to the beginning and picking it up as a purl
5. Trying to do this from the heel turn, then realizing the stitch I need to drop is the one from which I picked up the gusset stitches
6. More swearing
7. Ripping out the entire heel and dropping the right stitch, then picking a purl back up
8. Doing the same thing on the other side, then realizing I had dropped the wrong stitch
9. Dropping that stitch again, picking it back up as a knit, then dropping the right stitch and picking it back up as a purl
10. Looking at my new and improved ribbed sock and realizing that it’s still pretty narrow and not particularly stretchy
11. Ignoring this and blindly knitting forward
A step or two more that I needed, maybe?
I compensated for the lack of stretchiness in the leg by making the foot ludicrously stretchy. I knitted a twisted rib gusset, then carried the ribbing along the side of the foot all the way to the toe. It *is* super stretchy, plus it looks kind of neat. Yes?
So flash forward to Christmas Day. Blub opens socks. Blub doesn’t get that they are DNA socks. So I give him some hints. See the major and minor groove? Blub looks blank. See the base pairs? Still nothing. They are DNA socks, I shout. Blub then exclaims mightily to the heavens that they are the coolest socks ever and tries to put them on.
They don’t fit.
Well, that’s sort of a lie. They are fine, perfect even, once he gets them on. But he breaks a sweat wrestling them onto his tootsies.
They will stretch out, I assure him.
They will stretch out? he asks.
They will stretch out, I repeat.
And all is good. Merry effing Christmas.